Fortune favours the brave

Today is Mid-Autumn festival in the Lunar calendar – eight Mid-Autum Festivals ago, Ben made the big move with lanterns and mooncakes, and as the story went, I stayed the night and never left. Romance, surprise, and good food – he got me good.

I also made it through the 21st of September. It was to be our 7th wedding anniversary. There was admittedly a lot of anxiety leading up to this past weekend.

How do you hold space for these significant dates without dwelling on what is no longer? How do you make sure you’re not alone through it? And how do you honour the significance of these changes, and find ways to rewrite your stories?

And so I made plans.

I must acknowledge that serendipity has also been on my side so far; there was in fact heaps to celebrate!

Dan and I submitted that mammoth feasibility plan at 5pm on Thursday, and I rode on that adrenaline and had drinks with new friends that evening.

Friday morning, I woke up – cleaned the house and shopped for the party – my party. Over two nights, friends dropped in. We shared delicious mooncakes, dumplings and curry. We traded stories. Friends and family from different circles hung out with each other. Laughter filled the house as I shared my home and my heart with people who love me.

In the words of my best friend, about this weekend, “as you let people in, let him go.”

And in all that laughter, a chapter closed.

On Sunday, I mostly sat with my own thoughts, immersed in a hot bath at the Japanese bathhouse and meditated on this phrase –

泼出去的水收不回来

Loosely translated to say: you cannot collect water that has been poured out; you cannot undo what has been done.

Six weeks in my new home. A million dollar dream put into writing (and into the powers that be in the universe).

I have done everything I can to carry myself through this relationship and the subsequent breakdown of it with as much kindness and generosity, courage and integrity, faith and vulnerability, and grace and wisdom as I can muster, as I do life, and all of my friendships. And I have mustered a helluva lot. 

I’ve come so, so far in three and a half months. There is no turning back.

As for tonight, I will enjoy the full moon.

 

p.s. i took the photo of this image many moons ago at a thai massage joint. i was incredibly drawn to it – and today, this image resonates the most with how i am feeling inside. if you know where this image is from, or who that deity might be – please tell me. 

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